i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
