After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
