Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
