my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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