He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm always down for nudity.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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