i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
