i always forget guys have bellybuttons
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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