we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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