wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
