Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
