I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
