I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
