I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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