TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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