dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
