Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
