Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
