I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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