Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
