Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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