Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
