Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
