I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
