i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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