hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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