im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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