i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
