He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
