How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
