I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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