Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
