I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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