Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
