i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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