My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
