I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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