I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
