my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
