If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Come see our sink grown plant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
