True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
