if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
