i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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