Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
