You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
