You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
