The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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