Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
