I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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