Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
