I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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