He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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