he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
