I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
