he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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