Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
