i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
