would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
